September Thoughts… (09/18-09/22)


Ang dating bagyo ay unti-unting nagiging ambon.
Hindi na kayang makapagpataob ng puno,
ni hindi makapag-usod ng dahon.
Ang noo’y kayang magpaapaw ng ilog,
ay ni hindi makapuno ng tabo,
kahit man lang sana isang
mumunting kutsarita.
Bakit hindi mo man lang magalaw kahit ang buhangin sa daan,
samantalang noo’y kahit bahay ay napababagsak?
Wala na ang bagsik mo,
nasaan na ang tibay mo?
Kahit langgam na katiting,
‘di mo na kayang lunurin.


There she is, still on the floor. Breathing but seems lifeless. Warm tears burn her face as they move freely, while she stays still. Her hopeful self seems to fall into the darkness. The tranquility slowly transforms into an awful din. Her head is thronged with black shadows – shadows that are filled with mockery despite their faceless heads.
They have no mouths but she sees them grinning widely, from ear to ear. She wants them gone, but their presence doesn’t bother her, too. (excerpt from a piece I’m still working on)


If I stood in front of the Mirror of Erised, I wonder what I’d see. I guess, just like most wizards, I’d be tempted to just sit there and watch my wonderful self getting all the things I’ve ever wanted. I wonder if I’d even be able to stand and snap back to reality.


The universe has failed me yet again. I am nothing and will remain nothing.



People see you as a normal person. Some may like you, some may not. But they don’t know who you exactly are and what’s going on with your life.



I want to be lost in the moment. I want the world to stop for at least another twenty-four hours, when I can just lie on the floor not worrying about anything. I want to be given another day to be lost in thoughts. And when that day is gone, that’s the time I’ll start worrying again.
The odds aren’t ever in my favor. I’ve had my own series of unfortunate events. It’s always winter, despite the sweltering weather. I couldn’t get through Platform 9 3/4, maybe Dobby had to cast an enchantment to it.The universe has always refused to align its stars for me.
I go on walking, looking for the right path and aiming for the right direction. I go on walking, even if my soles are sore and shoes are worn. I go on walking, even if the roads get misty and the paths get blurry. I go on walking, with my faith undaunted and my determination unbent.


A quote says, “Those who are scared of death are scared of life.” The younger me could never comprehend why anyone would fear life as much as they feared death. I believed that if we were afraid of dying, we would hold on to life. Being a 30-year old woman myself makes me see life in a different dimension.
We, being born into this world, will all arrive at a dead end. This is a world where balance exists. Light and dark. Day and night. Hot and cold. Left and right. Front and back. Male and female. Yin and yang. Life and death. Living means dying. So if we cannot accept death, it means we cannot grasp the true meaning of life. I fear death. Now, I understand that I fear life.
When I lost my father, I was broken. But I tried to dust it off and tried to accept that he would never come back. Though it only felt like he was abroad, it crushed me when the thought that he would never return barged into my head like a thief. I comforted myself thinking that he was already in peace and without pain.
Every wake I go to reminds me of what it is like to live. Living means getting hurt. Living means dying. If we continue fearing death, we will never live peacefully because that fear will find a home in us.
I fear death. I fear life. I hope that the time will come that I will be able to welcome death like a brother. (after going to a wake)



Parang mga damit sa aparador.
Sa bawa’t pagkuha ng isa,
May madadagdag na isa.
Minsan dalawa.
Hanggang sa mapuno ang aparador.
Hindi na maisara ang pinto.
Siksik na siksik.
Kailangang mabawasan.
Para lumuwag.




Espoir Pro Tailor Cushion and Iope UV Shield Sun Protector

I got a package from Korea and I got my first Korean cosmetic products! I received them yesterday and tried them out today. Along with the package are two samples of Espoir Nude Liquid Foundation. Korean makeup shops are known for their “generosity” in giving away samples. Here are the photos of the products:                            Me with Iope UV Shield Sunscreen

without Espoir Pro Tailor Cushion   |   with Espoir  Pro Tailor Cushion

My Espoir Pro Tailor Cushion is in the shade of Petal. I just used very little amount of the product. One pump for each side of my face and a few small pumps for my pimple marks. It gave me a semi-dewy finish. The coverage is just right, but it didn’t really cover my imperfections. I guess my face is a hopeless case. hihihi

I loved the smell. It has a very, very light flowery scent, which I love.

The only problem though is that it’s a bit itchy on some parts of my face. I don’t think it is the same for everybody though. I always experience this every time I use a new product. So I guess once my face gets the hang of it, it will feel more comfortable.

But I really, really, really love how my face looks after using it. It looks clean, glowing, and fresh. ^_^

Try it and see for yourself!


LBC TXT Remittance Card

Today, I had to remit money to a friend so I decided the “easier” way. I went to LBC and purchased the LBC TXT Remittance Card worth P1,000 and paid P1,050. The LBC staff gracefully taught me how to do it and told me the instructions were on the back of the card.

When I got home, I immediately tried to activate the card to get the control number. I carefully followed the instructions, typed the keywords, the remittance card number and the pin code. I checked everything  before clicking “Send”.

Then I got this message from 2910:

I tried a few more times, but I got the same response. So I called LBC office to ask for assistance, and the lady, whom I bought the card from, activated the card for me.

I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to activate it myself when I made sure everything was perfectly encoded.

Instead of making things quicker, it slowed me down and stressed me out a bit.

I hope next time it won’t happen again.


When the Going Gets Tough

Do you know the feeling when something bad turns up when you are already in a really, really tight situation? It feels like salt in a fresh, open wound.

I have NO idea what is going on with my life now. I have a had a really tough life. I have had some good times and a lot of bad ones. I’ve struggled to stay on the right track. There have always been rocks, thorns, and obstacles that block my way.

What I also don’t understand is, why… Why does everything have to pile up? Why can’t other problems wait until I solve another one? Can God just let me move on first? Or, these happen because I will finally experience blessings as much as I experience hardships? I hope.

I don’t get it. I really don’t get it. I just hope that all of this crap will turn into gems – SOON. ‘Coz I really don’t know anymore how much longer I can hold on.


“We All Are Maze Runners”

After watching the film “The Maze Runner”, I thought, if I were one of the chosen ones, would I be like Thomas who was brave enough to enter the maze and hope to find what was out there? Would I be like Minho who was courageous enough to go through the maze every day and was clever enough to remember the paths and to map them out? Or would I just be Gally who would rather stay in the camp forever than see what was beyond the maze? Each member has faced challenges, including remembering their own names. Each of them has survived, not until the time when they have to face a bigger challenge.

Like them, everyone in the real world has struggles – struggles in school, at work, at home, dealing with people, achieving their goals, living up to other people’s expectations, and so many others it may not fit this page. We all face hardships, who doesn’t? Even the happiest person you know can be consumed with grief.

Most of the time, we focus on the problems more than we do on the solutions. We also tend to jump to conclusions and always think that things will never turn out the way we wish them to be. We feel like running in a maze without knowing which paths to go. We think that the one we are running on leads to the exit; but in the end, it is just another dead end. We find peaceful paths, only to find out that that’s where our own grievers lurk. Then we go back to a fork, and try another path. Each time we try, we begin to worry. Each wrong path we take, we start to weary. Until finally, we see a familiar track, and we realize we’re just going in circles. That’s the time we feel like giving up.

When we were younger, we wanted to find the perfect crowd. We tried to “belong”. As we grew older, we tried to find ourselves. We even asked the same question: “Am I happy?” Happiness is the decisive point of everything, I guess. We all aim for happiness. In our pursuit of happiness, we become disappointed here and there. We give something a shot and expect for a positive result. We fail. Then we try again. We hope for a better outcome. Again, we fail. At this point, we rest and think. We ask, “Why? What have I done wrong?” We are on the verge of giving up, but we find renewed strength to go on. So we start over and give it another shot. Que sera sera. If it happens, it will happen. What’s important is that we’ve tried. We’ve survived. We’ve remained standing. Impregnable.

Everybody hurts. Everybody struggles. No matter the hardship is, we just have to keep fighting. We need to stay strong. It’s not the difficulties, nor the outcome that matters, it is how we live on and outlast all the tribulations we face. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but don’t you think it’s better to do something than just to say something? ★



She is the most complicated and the most unpredictable person I’ve ever known. Despite her difficult attitude, I still love her. She’s my mom after all. Not all parents are perfect, but not all the imperfect ones are bad. Sometimes, they’re just kind of in between – sometimes you just adore them, but sometimes you even doubt if you’re really their offsprings.

I remember I always wanted to be with my mom when I slept. I felt alone when she was gone. I still feel the same way, anyway. I still feel different when she’s not home. I’m scared when she gets sick. It scares me when she vomits everytime her migraine strikes. I worry when she’s away, most especially when she leaves her cellphone behind.

Eversince, we’ve argued so many times. That’s because I always stand up for what I believe. The bad thing is. she does, too. Worse, she never budges. She never listens to what I say. Maybe she does, but well, that’s just hopeless thinking, because she REALLY doesn’t.

The thing is, I can’t always have a row with her. I’m just her daughter. She brought me into this world. She gave me life. She took care of me and worked for me and my brother when my father was sick. I love her. I DO love her. It’s just that, we’ve got some attitudes that don’t seem to go along well. Our personalities crash.

Despite all the differences, I know she loves me. I hope she knows I love her. Even though I am not the perfect daughter she has wanted.


Just Watched: The Fault in Our Stars


I’ve just watched The Fault in Our Stars and I feel like I’m suspended in mid-air just a few inches above the ground. I’d like to think that Hazel Grace did survive and that she lived longer; but I think that it may not be possible.

(SPOILER ALERT! If you have not read it or watched, please don’t read beyond this point.)

Immediately after learning about Augustus’ letter to Peter Van Houten, Hazel Grace looks for it and reads it. It somehow shows that she rereads it several times more.

At the end of the letter, it says, “I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.”
In the film, Hazel Grace is wearing a white dress. She lies down on the grass and crosses her arms and rests them on her chest. As she does that, she says, “I do Augustus. I do.”

I hate to even think about it, but I suppose she has made a choice and is ready to let go. It scares me to even imagine that she removes her cannula and dies alone on the grass.

John Green is, I guess, Peter Van Houten – the author of the book Imperial Affliction. He did not give an ending to the story. He let the readers decide and assume how it ended. He said in an interview, “I ended The Fault in Our Stars where I wanted to end it. I have never said anything about what might happen before or after what’s depicted in the book. I finished writing it, for better or for worse, and it now belongs to you.”

I have not read the book yet and I will surely do as soon as I finish the novel I’m still reading now.

This is one of those films that will make you just feel… Confused… Clueless… I can’t even tell if I’m really sad or what. It’s the same feeling I had after reading and watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Tell me what you think.